Tag: forgiveness

Forgiveness: The Key to Emotional Freedom

I was thinking about the struggles of forgiveness, it takes me back to a time when it was so difficult to forgive.

When someone had wronged me, I would vow to never forgive them, I would just cut them off altogether or sometimes not speak to them for years, carrying the poison of that unforgiveness with me for years to come.

 Unforgiveness separates families, breaks apart friendships and more importantly, effects your health, your peace and wellbeing, we can carry it around, not even realizing what it’s doing to us internally, how it shapes our opinions, our decisions, our judgements, or our future relationships.

Now of course, is not to say that we in any way absolve what was done to us, or that we continue to have a relationship or stay in a relationship with the person that wronged or hurt us no matter who it is and depending on what it is, oftentimes we have to forgive from a distance.

We can often feel like we need to get revenge, make them suffer or make them feel what we felt, or that not forgiving them is our way of getting them back, not realizing that the forgiveness is for us, not for them, and holding onto it can show up as bitterness and distrust, feelings, as if they just got away with it, and not realizing that only God can fight our battles in ways that we can’t even imagine.

I felt like there was no way I could forgive the person that abused me, stalked me and constantly threatened to take his as well as my life, yet right in the midst of all, I choose to forgive. Even in the midst of wanting him to disappear from the face of the earth. Forgiveness does not mean that we’re going to suddenly forget all of the pain and anguish, or feel better about the situation, it takes sacrifice, but it is the beginning of helping you through that pain, and because of my obedience to forgive, I believe God spared my life.

 As God said in Matthew 6:14-15, if we forgive then God will also forgive us, and if we do not forgive others than we will not be forgiven, which can open the doors for the devil to rack all kinds of havoc in our lives, and who out here do need forgivesness at some time in our lives? Especially when we know, when we’re aware, but continue to make excuses and not forgive.

Someone once said that forgiveness is the key to perfect right action in my life. This proved to be very true in my life. We often feel that they don’t deserve our forgiveness, but what if on the other side of forgiveness lies our protection, our blessings, our deliverance, or our healing, how much would it be worth it to free yourself from the weight that unforgiveness brings? I truly believe that it truly releases you and free’s you it is not easy, you have to surrender, it takes it out of your hands, and put it in the hands of God.

 So, whatever it is forgive even when you feel it’s unforgiveable and when you don’t feel you can you have to rely on God to help you.

Because forgiveness is the key.

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Gaslighting: Recognizing and Dealing with Manipulative Behavior

Have you ever been in a situation where you keep experiencing the same behavior from someone? Where they are sorry after the incident, yet not taking any responsibility whatsoever for their actions, and continuously blaming you, or someone else for their behavior, well an apology is worthless and not an apology at all without changed behavior.

For some, it could be coming from a spouse or significant other who’s abusive and is always sorry after the fact, or a family member or friend that crosses the line over and over again and is always seriously sorry after the fact, then makes excuses, while wanting you to act as if you should just get over it, act as if nothing happened, accept their apology and move on, while they continue to blame you, and not take responsibility for their own actions, and yes we are supposed to forgive them, but that doesn’t mean that we have to continue to put up with the behavior, making us feel as if we are overreacting and that it’s you that’s the problem. For example someone may blow up because they are feeling overwhelmed with something that maybe going on in their life but instead of acknowledging what they may be feeling they blame it on you instead. I believe you would call this a form of gaslighting, which is just a start in explaining this behavior and the situation you may find yourself in,

 You may have thought somehow it was your fault and try to figure out what you may have done to bring on this type of behavior, when the truth of the matter is we are not responsible for another person’s actions only they are, especially when they are unprovoked.

Sometimes we deal with their behaviors for years walking on egg shells, trying to keep the peace and avoiding yet another confrontation, and as impossible as it may seem, it is not something we can resolve on our own, It will take an act of God, therapy and a total reflection and realization on the other persons part, and although being in this situation can cause a lot of mental distress, protecting our peace, our health and mental wellbeing is crucial, if there is a part we need to take responsibility for by all means do that, then forgive yourself take care of yourself remove yourself from the situation and first foremost  pray for them, pray for yourself and ask God for help and guidance to go through it.

It is not our responsibility to try and fix the behavior, that is totally up to them. They have to consider what they are feeling and what they need to do to fix, or control the behavior, for some that may be writing about it, doing some self reflection, reading a book on the subject, watching a podcast, meditating or seeking therapy, but whatever it is we must protect our health and wellbeing at all times. Remember the change has to begin with them not with you.

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Coping with Trauma: Letting Go and Finding Inner Peace

Do you have something in the past that you need to forgive yourself for? Or someone needs to forgive you for? Even if you felt like you were doing the best you could at the time, but you have someone who just won’t let it go? Leaving the past in the past is very often easier said than done.

Survival Mode

 While going through something that I could barely cope with myself, domestic violence, and were barely making it through, basicly just surviving it.

After dealing with traumatic situations, I felt I did pretty well in spite of all that I was dealing with, even though I walked around feeling numb most of the time, after the lack of finding effective therapy, I only got through it with Gods help, never turned to alcohol or drugs just went about life as a single parent taking care of my child the best that I could. As we are going through things it’s often hard to see how it’s affecting others around us, just as it’s hard for them to see how it’s affecting us.

 When we provide for our children, work to keep a roof over their heads, clothes to wear and food to eat, as well as spend quality time with them and all they can see is what they feel we didn’t do, and they proceed to hold it against us often in their adult life, and act as if we need to spend our lives making it up to them, while not even acknowledging what it is we were going through, or anything that we did right back then, are we the really the problem?

Forgiveness

 If it is not in someone else’s heart to forgive and seek out any help that is necessary as an adult in order to heal and let it go, then we will just have to forgive ourselves, pray for them and seek out whatever it is we need to heal, and not allow ourselves to be manipulated or caused to feel guilty about something that has happened in the past that we cannot change.

 I have to continue to remind myself that it is not my responsibility to make someone else happy, but to try my best to understand while taking care of my health and mental wellbeing in the process.

I believe that my ability to forgive right in the midst of what I was going through is the reason I survived, if God can forgive us then who are we to keep holding onto to something, that we need to deal with from our past, it may not be something we can do in our own strength which is why we have to pray and rely on God to help us, and do whatever it is in our power to forgive, heal and move on.

So by asking for guidance from God, not giving up, believing that you can get through it, journaling, meditating or whatever you find that works for you, you can get through it.

                                                                                                                   

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