Tag: relationships

Choose Wisely, Know Your Worth — and Add Tax

Choosing yourself is an act of wisdom. It protects you from being taken advantage of, taken for granted, or mistreated. It keeps your mind clear when actions don’t align with words and helps you recognize when something simply isn’t right.

Knowing your worth means refusing manipulation, gaslighting, and the quiet confusion that leads us to blame ourselves for the behavior of others. It means not allowing feelings of inferiority—feeling like you’re not enough or that you’re too much. At the same time, it’s not about believing you’re better than anyone else. It’s about standing firmly in who you are and refusing to let anyone or anything convince you otherwise.

When you’re doing the work and you truly know your worth, you stop settling for less than you deserve. You understand that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission, as Eleanor Roosevelt so wisely said. And when someone wants access to your time, energy, or peace, you add tax—because your value comes with a cost.

Setting boundaries, walking away when necessary, forgiving, and choosing happiness despite circumstances leads to a life of fulfillment and joy. It frees you from comparison, competition, grudges, unforgiveness, and hatred. Instead, you get to live as your true, authentic self—unapologetically.

As this New Year begins, I will continue to do the work. I will be thankful for every new day God blesses me with and learn from every test and trial that comes my way. I will continue to choose me—not out of selfishness, but out of necessity—so I can become my best self and be intentional about what I allow into my life.

Peace comes from choosing yourself. It gives you the clarity to choose what is right for you in every area of your life and opens the door for the right people to walk in—those who see your worth and are willing to pay the tax.

Posted on by normascott21 0

When Apologies Mean Nothing: Breaking the Cycle of Blame

Have you ever been in a situation where you keep experiencing the same behavior from someone? Where they are sorry after the incident, yet not taking any responsibility for their actions, and continuously blaming you, or someone else for their behavior. Well an apology is worthless and not an apology at all without changed behavior.

For some, it could be coming from a spouse or significant other, who’s verbally or physically abusive and is always sorry after the fact, or a family member or friend, or even a boss that crosses the line over and over again, and is always seriously sorry after the fact, and just makes excuses wanting you to just get over it and to act as if nothing ever happened. Expecting you to accept their apology and move on.

when sometimes all the other person needs to heal is for them to recognize and admit and change thier behavior, but we have to also realize that it may not be in them to do so.

They may continue to blame you or anything else for thier behavior, to blame there past, or what they’ve been through, using that as an excuse or a scapegoat for their behavior, while taking no responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.

Although yes we are supposed to forgive them, it doesn’t mean that we have to continue to put up with the behavior, and be made to feel as if we are overreacting, and that it’s all in our head, or that were the problem. I believe you would call this a form of gaslighting, which is just a start in explaining this behavior and the situation we may find ourselves in.

After a while you may start to think that somehow it was your fault, and try to figure out what you may have done to bring on this type of behavior, when the truth of the matter is, we are not responsible for another person’s actions or reactions only they are. The first step in changing thier behavior is for them to realize that there is a problem.

Sometimes we deal with the behavior for years, walking on egg shells, trying to keep the peace and saying the wrong thing to avoid yet another confrontation, It is not our responsibility to try and change them, It will take an act of God, therapy and a total reflection and realization on the other persons part to do that. These situations can cause a lot of mental distress so protecting our peace, our health and mental wellbeing, and not blaming ourselves is crucial.

If there is a part we need to take responsibility for by all means do that, then forgive yourself, take care of yourself and first and foremost forgive and pray for them, pray for yourself and ask God for help and guidance to get through it, or in some cases the strength to remove yourself from the situation all together.

Posted on by normascott21 0

Gaslighting: Recognizing and Dealing with Manipulative Behavior

Have you ever been in a situation where you keep experiencing the same behavior from someone? Where they are sorry after the incident, yet not taking any responsibility whatsoever for their actions, and continuously blaming you, or someone else for their behavior, well an apology is worthless and not an apology at all without changed behavior.

For some, it could be coming from a spouse or significant other who’s abusive and is always sorry after the fact, or a family member or friend that crosses the line over and over again and is always seriously sorry after the fact, then makes excuses, while wanting you to act as if you should just get over it, act as if nothing happened, accept their apology and move on, while they continue to blame you, and not take responsibility for their own actions, and yes we are supposed to forgive them, but that doesn’t mean that we have to continue to put up with the behavior, making us feel as if we are overreacting and that it’s you that’s the problem. For example someone may blow up because they are feeling overwhelmed with something that maybe going on in their life but instead of acknowledging what they may be feeling they blame it on you instead. I believe you would call this a form of gaslighting, which is just a start in explaining this behavior and the situation you may find yourself in,

 You may have thought somehow it was your fault and try to figure out what you may have done to bring on this type of behavior, when the truth of the matter is we are not responsible for another person’s actions only they are, especially when they are unprovoked.

Sometimes we deal with their behaviors for years walking on egg shells, trying to keep the peace and avoiding yet another confrontation, and as impossible as it may seem, it is not something we can resolve on our own, It will take an act of God, therapy and a total reflection and realization on the other persons part, and although being in this situation can cause a lot of mental distress, protecting our peace, our health and mental wellbeing is crucial, if there is a part we need to take responsibility for by all means do that, then forgive yourself take care of yourself remove yourself from the situation and first foremost  pray for them, pray for yourself and ask God for help and guidance to go through it.

It is not our responsibility to try and fix the behavior, that is totally up to them. They have to consider what they are feeling and what they need to do to fix, or control the behavior, for some that may be writing about it, doing some self reflection, reading a book on the subject, watching a podcast, meditating or seeking therapy, but whatever it is we must protect our health and wellbeing at all times. Remember the change has to begin with them not with you.

Posted on by normascott21 1